Friday, February 25, 2011

Independence

Today, as I was making beds and picking up, and the children were quietly playing elsewhere, I had an opportunity to reflect on a conversation I recently had with Hailey's art teacher about the class and how Hailey is doing in the class.  I am present in the building while she takes class, however I am not usually in the class, as I usually hang-out with the older siblings.  She has several friends in the class, and knows a couple of the parents.  I am comfortable with her asking for help from them, or from the teacher, and she says that she is also comfortable with this set-up.  The teacher's comments the other day reinforced this.  The teacher spent time telling me how Hailey politely asks for help and the items she needs.  She is able to complete the projects the way she would like, and she participates.  She really seemed to stress that Hailey was able to work well independently.

As I was reflecting on this conversation this morning, I realized that while all of that was well and good, it is not really my goal for her in the art class.  I know from my experience with my oldest that there is this view that kids need to separate from their parents and be independent, at a very young age.  I spent lots of time when Madeline was little and in daycare trying to get her to separate each morning without screaming.  That NEVER happened, in the 14 months she was in day care.  It took her months of attending preschool everyday, at age 4, before she did not cry every time I dropped her off.  Even after she stopped crying everyday, she still only attended reluctantly that first year.  The teachers continued to tell me that it would get better, and that we needed to do this.  I'm not so sure.  It was a very stressful time for both of us, and I regret putting her through that.  I really do not see that there was any benefit to it.

As for Hailey and art class, my goal for her is simple: to enjoy art.  I don't have any hidden agenda of making her more independent.  I am happy that she is able to go to class and be comfortable there while I am in the other room with the older siblings.  It certainly makes it easier for me.  But I hope that if she were not comfortable with that situation that I would be able to do what she needed to be comfortable and enjoy learning about art.  I'm not of the opinion that if she is not independent at 4 that she never will be.  In fact, I am of the opposite opinion.  If she knows I will always be there for her if she needs me, and if I trust her to let me know when she is comfortable and when she is not, then hopefully she will feel secure enough to be independent when she chooses, knowing that she has the support she needs.

1 comment:

Goopa said...

Very prfound, as Parents and People we learn about our relationships as long as we are alive.